But since someone asked, I will oblige. The object here is to ask the following questions while iTunes/iPod is on shuffle, then move to the next question while forwarding the program. The songs that pop up are your answers.
Eh. I altered it a bit, not because I wanted to tempt fate but because the songs that popped up were pretty cool to listen to. And thank God for that because the next thing that popped up was the latest podcast from Winecast, with host Tim Elliott tasting wine directly into his microphone. I've heard better slurping sounds in porn movie orgies. I don't know how "The three great whites" whould go over as the answer to one of these questions.
The iTunes Magic 8 Ball (actually I just used my iPod):
What do you think of me, playlist?
Answer: “My Romance”, Claudia Acuna (Rhythm of Life, Verve, 2002)
Analysis: Simple, ambitious, and quietly optimistic. Upbeat and a bit of a dreamer. I think the iPod also likes my style and range of songs. If, that is, the iPod weren’t a cold piece of machinery.
Will I have a happy life?
Answer: “All Blues”, Oscar Brown, Jr. (Tells It Like It Is, Columbia, 1963)
Analysis: Title of the song aside, this is actually a positive answer: “Some blues are sad, but some are glad. Dark and sad or bright and glad: they’re all blues.” OBJ’s lyrics always balance the circle of life here on this Miles Davis tune.
What do my friends really think of me?
Answer: “What’s Happening Brother”, Marvin Gaye (What’s Going On, Motown, 1971)
Analysis: Basically explains what we do when we do get together since they seem to be more infrequent, and that maybe I should make more attempts to contact them. We’re always catching each other up on what’s goin’ on. (Like the Marvin Gaye pun there?)
Do people secretly lust after me?
Answer: “Autumn in New York”, Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong (Ella And Louis Again, Verve, 1957)
Analysis: At the very least someone thinks I make good company in autumn. Someone mature with a flair for the nostalgic, perhaps?
What should I do with my life?
Answer: "Sugar”, Miss Rhapsody [from the Brian Page jump blues collection Chitlin’ Switch (Eatin’ and Lovin’ It)]
Analysis: Either this is a “try again later” question or the iPod is telling me to keep on keeping on and one day I will be a sugar daddy. I always wondered if the Viagra triangle was in my future.
Why must life be so full of pain?
Answer: “One Side”, Garrison Starr (Airstreams and Satellites, Vanguard records, 2004)
Analysis: This lyric stands out: “You give me a chance to keep hoping.” That and “How could I resist a chance at impossible?”
How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Answer: "Future Shock (Dance Your Pants Off)”, Maceo Parker (The J.B.’s Funky Good Time: The Anthology, 1995, Polydor Records)
Analysis: A variation on that bit of Clintonian (George) wisdom, “Free your mind and your ass will follow.”
Will I ever have children?
Answer: “Voot Nay On The Vot Nay”, Basin Street Boys (From Swing O’ Rama Volume 4: The Roots Of The Swing Revolution, Pet Rock Records, 1999)
Analysis: The Fuck? Maybe if I dance my pants off.
Will I die happy?
Answer: "Just For You”, Screaming Jay Hawkins (from Best of Bizarre Sessions, emusic.com)
Analysis: Well the funeral should be the best party ever!!!
Can you give me some advice?
Answer: "Ten Cats Down”, The Miller Sisters (From The Legendary Sun Records Story box set)
Analysis: Live my life like I’m on a playground and have fun.
What do you think happiness is?
Answer: "Utah Carol”, Marty Robbins (from Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs, Columbia Legacy, 1959)
Analysis: Happiness apparently is getting trampled in a stampede of cattle to save a little friend, according to the song.
What's my favorite fetish?
Answer: "Kentucky Avenue”, Tom Waits (from Blue Valentine, Asylum Records, 1978)
Analysis: Apparently storytelling, childlike behavior, and borderline antisocial tendencies. Not necessarily in that order.
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