Thursday, November 03, 2005

Eating Crow in Wrigleyville

Eric Zorn last week wrote a column stating in no uncertain terms that he- a Cubs fan- would be "eating crow" because the Sox won the World Series. This prompted a lot of back-and-forth of the sophmoric variety by fans of both teams.

Leave it to my good friend Whitley From Ravenswood to put it all in perspective. To wit:

"I love how Cubs dopes feign innocence and pull the 'what did we ever do to you to deserve this?' routine whenever exulting Sox fans gloat in their faces. You all might want to think about the garbage that routinely comes out of your mouths, the casual way in which you slur us at every opportunity as classless slobs --and as though there are no drunkards or morbidly obese people living anywhere north of Grand Avenue.

"As a proud Sox fan and proud Northsider, I know better, and I can tell you that to identify yourself as a Sox fan up here is to invite inquiries --really intelligent stuff like, 'The Sox?!?' with an implicit 'eeeeewww!!' in the inflection, as though you just let slip in casual conversation that you hadn't changed your underwear in six weeks. It's the quickest way to get some chick who's chatted you up in a public setting, or one who's liked what she's seen in your online profile, to turn her back toward you and flee (with uninvited groping and loudly passing wind ranking a distant joint second).

"In supposedly 'shared' environments such as call-in sports radio, when the hot-stove topic is 'What would you like to see YOUR team do this offseason,' leave it to Cubs dopes to preface their comments with something brilliant like, 'Let's talk about the only team that matters around here --the Coob!' before suggesting that the benevolent Tribune Company free up the dough to sign every All-Star on the free agent market while trading minor league scruberoos away to the Pirates, Twins, Royals and D-Rays in exchange for their best players. The nerve of you people is truly astonishing.

"And g%d forbid the Sox should do something like trade a slugger for a leadoff man and some much needed middle relief; the ensuing Sox talk on the radio will only prompt some aggrieved Cubbieface to call in and moan, 'Could we please change the subject --all this Sox talk is making me sick!!' As if one radio station and a half of the major in-town newspapers in your pocket isn't enough, you greedy, cocky little vermin.

"Yeah, well. Y'all can choke on it all winter --and, I'd wager, for the rest of your miserable, bad-baseball-loving, ivy-bedecked, sun-kissed, beer-soaked, in-house-scalper-subsidizing, credit-card-flashing, gated-community-dwelling lives."

As a Cubs fan I can say with conviction that he's spot-on. We often talk about the state of baseball on both sides of town without spiraling down to potshots and stereotyping. And I've seen it happen to him. Conversely, I've gotten no more than good-natured ribbing about my team allegiances living walking distance away from Comiskey Park Mach Deux.

It's part of the problem with being a Cubs fan. You know that you're basically in league with a bunch of idiots.

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