Sunday, August 14, 2005

Remember When "Spam" Was An Acronym For "Pork Shoulder And Ham"?

First Item: Dig that fucking caipirinha up there. When made properly that's what it should look like. And it doesn't taste too bad, either.

So this found its way through my e-mail filters this morning. Since I don't have the patience to edit the grammatical errors so we'll just make this message one large (SIC) Those of you who aren't quick on the uptake please DO NOT RESPOND TO THE E-MAIL ADDRESS LISTED BELOW AS THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE "EURO PHIL LOTTERY!!":

From: Euro Phil Lottery.
Ref. Nnumbe: 132/756/4509

Batch Number: 538901527-Bc68


We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International
programs held on the 13th of August 2005. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 27-522-46-58-96-6453 with serial number 3772-554 drew lucky numbers 7-14-18-23-31-45 which consequently won in the 2nd category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of US$ 1,000,000 (One Million United States Dollars) CONGRATULATIONS!!! Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 company and 30,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world.This promotional program takes place every three year. This lottery was promoted and sponsored by eminent personalities like Bill Gates and the Sultan of Brunei, we hope with part of your winning you will take part in our next year USD50 million international lottery.To file for your claim, please contact our fiducial agent Mr.Tommy Peter AND Assoclates BELGIUM. Telephone :+0032-49-737-9923 GENT. Reply all winning must be claimed not later than 31th of August 2005. After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake.Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence.Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program.Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.



Sincerely yours,

MR Tommy Peter.

Lottery Coordinator.

'Course, it's a scam. But that won't stop some mouth breather with the ability to dial thirteen numbers in succession to call the number and give these scammers all of his financial information, only to find that his bank account has been sucked dry.

What amazes me is that the elderly fall for this constantly. The Chicago Sun-Times ran a story four years ago about how former Mayor Eugene Sawyer fell for a similar scam (to be fair, he didn't fall for an internet scam, but it was a confidence game nonetheless). This was the mayor of the third-largest city in the nation and lost over $400,000 to a con artist.

Is this what I have to look forward to when I retire? I'll bust my ass while I'm able-bodied in order to enjoy my twilight with some measure of comfort only to have someone named "MR Tommy Peter" steal my pension because I won a lottery that I didn't remember entering? Or give some hack my savings because I fear I might not have enough should I live past seventy?

I hope not.


Went to Carol's Pub yesterday to catch the Waco Brothers and Devil In A Woodpile at the odd start time of 3 p.m. The only thing missing was a stage enclosed in chicken wire to protect the band if the crowd decided to throw beer bottles at the stage.

I'm still amazed that Wacos managed to fit on that stage. The certainly did not do so comfortably. Langford in particular felt restrained by the tight quarters, but by the end of the set threw caution to the wind like the punk rocking Welsh bastard that he is and was throwing high kicks with abandon. The mannish-looking bartender with wide hips perfect for child bearing and the Waylon Jennings "outlaw" mullet really seemed to be enjoying herself. But that was probably because she wasn't having to break up any fights.

After pounding back bourbon all afternoon in the dank recesses of Carol's when we headed outside we forgot that it was still in daytime. Suddenly two hundred people are shielding their eyes like moles having their first collective encounter with the sun. I think I actually heard someone squeal when the sunlight her eyes, but it more likely was the bourbon affecting me.

Afterward we went to the newly opened Swim Cafe in the East Village, where I had an amazing paniini and coffee. The perfect tonic for an afternoon of drinking.

In hindsight, the whole day felt like I closed down two places at four a.m.


No comments: