Monday, August 14, 2006


Greetings, all Bridgeport residents of Asian American descent. We've watched with curious eyes for years as you step out of the way, and in some cases into oncoming traffic, to avoid the dogs of this neighborhood. Just the other day, one of you nearly briskly walked your way to oblivion trying to avoid a pomeranian, only to bring traffic to Sox Park to a halt (Emerald is hell on game nights, especially with the Dan Ryan as jacked up as it is).

I believe that the only way to conquer your fears is to meet them head on. I know that in in your country of origin you don't have much opportunity to acclimate yourselves with dogs, and, in the few cases you do, they might be trained to maul you in order to force a confession that you've been practicing with the Falun Gong, whether you do so or not.

In that regard, allow me to introduce you to the neighborhood's newly appointed canine ambassador, Emmylou. She's never bitten anyone, always makes the first move of introduction, loves treats, chases little blue balls and streams of water with equal vigor, and is the smartest mammal in this household not typing on a keyboard. I'm also teaching her how to kick around a soccer ball right now. So, if you're practicing morning tai chi in McGuane Park and you see her sidling up to you like a shark, don't be afraid; Emmy's just breaking the ice. Just say "Good morning" and scratch her behind the ears a couple times. She'll be on her way finishing her walk with me, and you'll have taken that first step to conquering your fear.

Thank you.

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