Things I Learned About Halloween

• Some folks take it way too seriously
• Heated Tootsie Rolls look like cat turds, and make a great accent for a cake
• Dominatrixes don't have to be drop-dead hot, but they do need to exude some confidence
• Speed Racer goes to the top three costumes I need to wear in the future
• Unless someone wants to dress up as Trixie, then i do it next year
  
• Sometimes it's too cold to have friends gather outside to watch bad poets stumble through their work at midnight. That's considered abuse.
  
• If you're gonna dress up as Jeff Bridges in "The Big Lebowski", make sure you wash your thrift store Zubasz before wearing them.
• If you're gonna dress up as Jeff Bridges in "The Big Lebowski", make sure the parties you attend have the necessary liquors needed to fix a white russian, or bring your own.
• If you're gonna dress up as Jeff Bridges in "The Big Lebowski" and it's freezing outside, wear a sweater, not a thin sweat jacket.
• It's alright to dress your dog as a vampire, or a ghoul.
  
• You should be able to smack neighbors who recommend dressing your dog up as a princess.
• It isn't alright to dye your dog's fur red, so he or she can be Clifford the Big Red Dog for Halloween.
• Always have your iPod handy, in case the party hosts have poor taste in music. But don't just commandeer the docking station. That's bad taste if you're not me; then it's expected.
• The best version of "Ghost Riders in the Sky" I've ever heard is by Scatman Crothers.
• Screaming Jay Hawkins records should be mandatory on Halloween.
  
• When a woman dressed as an Oktoberfest maiden is putting out feelers, don't ignore her after you found out this was the third straight year she dressed that way for Halloween.
• Sometimes being a blogger of some note can lead to unexpected opportunities.