Tuesday, September 12, 2006

It Rocks Your Game

When we were kids, Mego made both some of the coolest, and lamest, action figures around. Their "Planet of the Apes" figures were awesome. Mego didn't release KISS action figures. These were KISS DOLLS. Barbie dolls were more masculine

Being nine when these dolls came out, I didn't think so. I was a proud member of the KISS army. Ace Frehley space patrol, specifically. Ace was just the coolest, for me, and if you don't believe it, check out his KISS solo record. Some of the songs still stand up thirty years later. That was followed by Peter Criss, then Paul and Gene. Usually, that's bass ackwards. The same holds true with the Beatles; my favorite Beatle was George Harrison, with Paul McCartney being my least favorite. But, even at nine, I had a well-developed sense of gaydar, and Paul Stanley was fucking gay. As for Simmons, he just scared me. I legitimately believed he worshipped the devil. Then I got older and realized he worshipped capitalism, which was worse.

Anyway, I begged my mother for these dolls for Christmas. I would have been happy if I just got Ace Frehley. So imagine my surprise on Christmas Day, when I ripped the wrappnig paper off all four dolls. To put it in perspective, it was like getting a new video iPod, a Playstation PSP, and a crackberry. The knowing smile on my mother's face made me realize that she listened to my incessant begging, my return grin let her know the gesture was appreciated.

Then imagine the look of horror on my mother's face, when she walked into my bedroom, not even forty-five minutes later, to see that I had painted over the dolls faces with a jar of flesh-colored model paint, to see what KISS looked like "unmasked."

Yeah, that was a beating I deserved.

Thanks to Mario for the heads-up on this.

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