Monday, August 15, 2005

The Price of Fame... Unrealized At This Time


This couple started a weblog in order to enhance their chances of being contestants on "Fear Factor."

That's not a misread.

"Fear Factor."

Mark Lisanti at Defamer summarizes it nicely:

"They want help getting attention for their campaign to win the opportunity to gobble as many rooster testicles, bison boners, and llama anuses as their stomachs can handle in 60 seconds, then suffer Joe Rogan’s smug giggles when they inevitably vomit?” Then we realized it’s not nice to laugh at self-destructive impulses that we don’t understand, so we’ll wish them luck, hoping that the thought of the million dollar prize helps them keep down that nasty goulash of animal junk as they’re being dropped off a skyscraper in a Ford Focus. Godspeed, etc etc."

I say you play to your strengths. If your mind isn't a depository of useless minutiae you don't try out for "Jeopardy."

I also found this wonderful little game through Defamer. Makes me long for those Old "Bob Newhart" drinking games we played in school.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Remember When "Spam" Was An Acronym For "Pork Shoulder And Ham"?


First Item: Dig that fucking caipirinha up there. When made properly that's what it should look like. And it doesn't taste too bad, either.

So this found its way through my e-mail filters this morning. Since I don't have the patience to edit the grammatical errors so we'll just make this message one large (SIC) Those of you who aren't quick on the uptake please DO NOT RESPOND TO THE E-MAIL ADDRESS LISTED BELOW AS THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE "EURO PHIL LOTTERY!!":


From: Euro Phil Lottery.
Email.europhillottery1000@pochta.ru
Ref. Nnumbe: 132/756/4509

Batch Number: 538901527-Bc68


Sir/Madam,


We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International
programs held on the 13th of August 2005. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 27-522-46-58-96-6453 with serial number 3772-554 drew lucky numbers 7-14-18-23-31-45 which consequently won in the 2nd category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of US$ 1,000,000 (One Million United States Dollars) CONGRATULATIONS!!! Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 company and 30,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world.This promotional program takes place every three year. This lottery was promoted and sponsored by eminent personalities like Bill Gates and the Sultan of Brunei, we hope with part of your winning you will take part in our next year USD50 million international lottery.To file for your claim, please contact our fiducial agent Mr.Tommy Peter AND Assoclates BELGIUM. Telephone :+0032-49-737-9923 GENT. Reply Email:europhillottery1000@pochta.ru all winning must be claimed not later than 31th of August 2005. After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake.Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence.Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program.Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.

Email: europhillottery1000@pochta.ru

Tel:0032-49-737-9923.


Sincerely yours,


MR Tommy Peter.

Lottery Coordinator.



'Course, it's a scam. But that won't stop some mouth breather with the ability to dial thirteen numbers in succession to call the number and give these scammers all of his financial information, only to find that his bank account has been sucked dry.

What amazes me is that the elderly fall for this constantly. The Chicago Sun-Times ran a story four years ago about how former Mayor Eugene Sawyer fell for a similar scam (to be fair, he didn't fall for an internet scam, but it was a confidence game nonetheless). This was the mayor of the third-largest city in the nation and lost over $400,000 to a con artist.

Is this what I have to look forward to when I retire? I'll bust my ass while I'm able-bodied in order to enjoy my twilight with some measure of comfort only to have someone named "MR Tommy Peter" steal my pension because I won a lottery that I didn't remember entering? Or give some hack my savings because I fear I might not have enough should I live past seventy?

I hope not.

-----------------------------------------

Went to Carol's Pub yesterday to catch the Waco Brothers and Devil In A Woodpile at the odd start time of 3 p.m. The only thing missing was a stage enclosed in chicken wire to protect the band if the crowd decided to throw beer bottles at the stage.

I'm still amazed that Wacos managed to fit on that stage. The certainly did not do so comfortably. Langford in particular felt restrained by the tight quarters, but by the end of the set threw caution to the wind like the punk rocking Welsh bastard that he is and was throwing high kicks with abandon. The mannish-looking bartender with wide hips perfect for child bearing and the Waylon Jennings "outlaw" mullet really seemed to be enjoying herself. But that was probably because she wasn't having to break up any fights.

After pounding back bourbon all afternoon in the dank recesses of Carol's when we headed outside we forgot that it was still in daytime. Suddenly two hundred people are shielding their eyes like moles having their first collective encounter with the sun. I think I actually heard someone squeal when the sunlight her eyes, but it more likely was the bourbon affecting me.

Afterward we went to the newly opened Swim Cafe in the East Village, where I had an amazing paniini and coffee. The perfect tonic for an afternoon of drinking.

In hindsight, the whole day felt like I closed down two places at four a.m.






_________________________________________

Saturday, August 06, 2005

AAAHHHHHHH!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


Via Scott Smith at Chicagoist, check out this link about former Creed vocalist Scott Stapp trying to get some pussy at a Denny's in Gainesville, Florida.

Just received my latest copy of Oxford American in the mail this week. This one was even more special as it was the music issue, which comes with a companion cd. The cd from last music issue I received two years back- the OA has had a couple publishing hiatuses since then- is one of my favorite cds in my library. It's a wonderful hodgepodge of country, bluegrass, gospel, blues, soul, rock, and pop music, featuring Little Milton (a pause for rememberance), Esther Phillips, Willie Nelson, My Morning Jacket, Del McCoury, Swamp Dogg, The Blind Boys of Alabama, Memphis Minnie, and Marilyn Monroe.

The companion cd for this one contains a passionate live reading of "Suspicious Minds" by elvis Presley. recorded August, 1969- roughly a week before "before "Suspicious Minds" was released as a single- it's six-and-a-half minutes of drama as elvis leads the band in the signature rise-and-fall of the song. It's almost as though he and the band were indeed "caught in a trap" and can't get out.

Go buy the magazine. You won't be disappointed.

The image above is of the classical composer Moondog, also on the Oxford American companion cd. He was a ardent student of "perfect counterpoint." Credit of thiat image goes to the "Moondog's Corner" site.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

"#IT"


Which stands for "pound it." That's the logo on the back of my brand new Goose Island "312" ballcap, which I received today after a meeting with some folks at the brewery. I had "pound it" on the tip of my tongue but instead blurted "number it" as my answer when asked if I knew what it meant. Goose Island chose that tag line over "#1" ("pound one" for those of you trying to solve the thick algebra). I understand. If I owned a beer company I probably wouldn't want an obvious reference for alcohol abuse as a tag line for one of my beers either. Although it does seems to work for Sam Adams' Jim Koch.

We got to tour the brewery afterward, taste some samples of not yet available product, and left with a half case of soda. Looking into the mash vats reminded me of the trip to the Maker's Mark distillery I took years back with my friends Harry and Monika. We could smell the sour mash for miles before we arrived at the distillery and probably got high on the fumes driving there. At Goose Island that sweet smell of fermenting grain was lost in the haze and pollution of city air. I feared that my sunglasses would fall into the vat for a fleeting moment Hmmm... fresh beer. Any meeting that involves tasting beer is a productive one. it's days like this that remind me of how much fun my job can be.

So it's finally making like a monsoon outside after a whole summer of no rain and excessive heat. I made it through Sunday, but not without a couple scares. I took the dog for a walk before the heat really ramped up, then followed it with some light grocery shopping. When I got back the winds outside popped one of my windows open, wasting all the cold air I built up with my air conditioners. Emmy was panting- it was 85 degrees and humid in the livig room. By the time I had to go to work I managed to make the apartment comfortable again. But when I got to work a freon leak caused the central air unit in the main performance area to pump out only the air from outside.

And we were hosting a wedding. The organizers were gracious about the situation, and we tried to alleviate it as much as possible. But the bride should not have had a melting wax staue glow happening. I myself lost about three pounds of water weight that night. By the time sunset came it was hotter inside than outside. I was glad I opted to not wear a cotton shirt as it would have clung to me like a second skin.

But The Wrigley Field Ivy Looks Immaculate:

The ballfields at McGuane Park are fried, which makes walking the dog an even more arduous task, since Emmy is a fussy shitter. She only wants to drop loads in green patches. Since there are so few left in the park I've taken to walking her farther down 31st Street to a vacant lot where hearty thornbushes are thriving. Emmy isn't too keen on walking there, but her natural impulses take over once she's faced with the challenging foilage.

Still, this is Bridgeport and some things never change, although they do become trends. The tai chi group that meets daily in McGuane have a few new recruits in some middle-aged white folks who've hipped themselves to the knowledge that practicing tai chi helps you live longer. The new folks have even taken to using sticks on days when they practice sword movements. It's a beautiful study in acceptance- the movements of the Chinese flowing effortlessly from years of practice and repitition as they guide the others along a slow but steady learning curve. No judgment is made; no one is ridiculed or dismayed. All that matters is the moment and the tranquility gained from losing oneself in the movements. I especially love watching them when they break out the fans and the exercises gravitate towards something more resembling dance.

In Case No One Has Read I'm Not A Fan Of Whole Foods:

The original point I wanted to make in last week's Chicagoist post was that sometimes there's a feeling that one pays for the privilege of shopping at Whole Foods between its socially conscious mission and commitment to organic produce. I don't know if it was the guttersniping tone of the post or the post's headline (both of which I readily admit to), but it started a whole slew of commentary that- once you waded through the Greek chorus of "Whole Foods Sucks/No, YOU SUCK" that was written- underscored the class divide that's becoming more problematic in urban areas in the early 21st century. Cities are becoming largeer versions of suburbs. As metropolitan areas transform from rundown industrial areas into giant residential areas where everyone is stacked on top of each other, a lot of the melting pot mentality that marked cities is becoming either homogenized or altogether wiped clean. Walk down some streets in Chicago these days and you find yourself passing an seemingly endless loop of sushi bars with expposed brick walls, bar/restaurants, and clubs with soundalike bands on stage. Some readers commented that they welcomed the building of a Whole Foods in the South Loop as they have few options for fresh groceries in that neighborhood, let alone shopping in general. I'm on their side. Thanks to the new Target at Roosevelt and Clark I don't have to go all the way up to Logan Square for seafoam green plates anymore.

Anyhoo, the "boojie" Jewel on Roosevelt and Wabash was redesigned two years ago: although some of their design cues were lifted from Whole Foods, apparently they opted to stock the same mealy produce one finds at Jewel. And Dominick's partnered with Starbucks in their cafes years ago. So residents in the South Loop need some variety. But why can't some of that TIF money go toward an entrepreneurial independent grocery that wants to sell organic without all the bells and whistles of a Whole Foods

But the residents who angrily advocated the building of a Whole Foods in the South Loop are entitled to their opinion. After all, they chose to live a cul de sac subdivision lifestyle in the middle of the city, so they should be afforded all the attributes of modern upper-class suburbia.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Dustier Than My Living Room...

And I'm not really motivated to clean things up around here right now. Suffice it to say that I've been keeping myself busy.